Confused

(No, the caracal has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to include it because I love this type of exotic cat.)

I'm at a really odd crossroads where I don't know where to go next with my writing career. There are a lot of considerations that I won't go into here, but suffice it to say, I feel like an outlier who doesn't belong in either end of the publishing quotient. For certain reasons, I don't feel trad is a good fit. For others, I don't feel indie is a good fit. I don't want to be unsuccessful, but I don't want to write to market. I don't want to self-promote, but both sides of the publishing coin demand it. My imposter syndrome has proven to be a thorn in my side as I've pursued traditional publishing, and I don't suspect it will dislodge itself if I ever chose another path.

I guess I just don't know if people want the kind of books I write.

And that makes me feel sad.

I just don't want to write around whatever trope is trending at the moment. I don't want to force my imagination to conform to a box just because I might be guaranteed success afterward. I've written almost-ten books in this genre, and I still feel like a joke and a hack. How can I promote myself with such a self-deprecating cloud hanging over my head?

I will probably delete this, as it is incredibly vulnerable and personal. I'm just feeling low because the publishing world should be the one place where I feel a sense of belonging. And yet, I still feel like an outsider.

Alien girl Abbie signing off.